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Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Need to rid your profile of it's 'you'-ness? Why click delete when Social Sweepster can do it for you!

So here it is, the revolutionary, the profound, the questionably unnecessary Social Sweepster, ready to rid your lives of all its saucy naughtiness and make it seem a little bit more ‘librarian’.

If that’s what your employer is looking for.

Because maybe they’re not… Maybe they’re looking for ‘personality’. Maybe they want to get an idea of the ‘real you’, in all your inherently unique, ‘here’s me in front of a beach in Gran Canaria doing my photo smile’ quirkiness. Maybe they want to see those pictures of you in the club, and you … at a different club. And that one where you’re… oh wait.

So you seek the wisdom of our omnipotent, all-mighty Lord and saviours and ask the Google gods:
‘Dearest Fathers, I am bedeviled with worries. Should I eradicate those image-tarring photographs from my social media profile forever? What if I am struck by a severe bout of Alzheimer’s and Facebook is my only hope of retaining any kind of ability to recall my previous days of brain-cell destroying substance abuse? Please give me a sign.”

Or maybe just ‘tidy social profile employers.’

Your reply from above arrives, in the form of the top 5 most SEO-savvy sites, who tell you to banish those beach holiday pics to your virtual bottom draw.

But now maybe you look too clean, too prissy, too Mr/Miss ‘I button my shirt up to the top even on a blisteringly hot day in the sun’. (Or the pleasant 26 degree heat our island so often reaches if the thermometer is slightly off balance).  And no one likes the office Snoreasaurus now, do they? 

Hold the delete button! Whack that picture of me on the table Christina Aguilera-style back up! All systems go!

The fact is, we can’t, and shouldn't, guess what a potential employer is thinking when they hunt us down to the corridors of Facebook. Chances are, if you don’t do something mental like post a mug shot of yourself with the words ‘I heart Silk Road’ on a banner, you might just get through to the interview stage.

Anyway, to the point at hand. Social Sweepster is offering to clean up your social media profiles and make you seem (entirely fictitiously) prim and proper, all for a small offering of your finest gold coins. Apparently they can detect the profane, distinguish the pleasantly tipsy from the outright outrageous, and with a few swift clicks magic away your entire sordid past.

Alternatively of course, you could just adopt a few privacy settings, and then use your index finger to put some ever so slight downward pressure on the mouse and expunge those pictures where you’re swigging from an unmarked bottle yourself. My personal thought process went a bit like this:  

Am I going to pay a website to delete a few pictures of me with beer dribbling down my face?
Well that’s sorted then isn't it?
Yes it is. Logical prevails.

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